I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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