About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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