im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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