you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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