from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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