i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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