I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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