Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
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I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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