walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
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u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
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oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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