Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ladies don't puke and tell
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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