he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
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I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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