I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
if only i could text you this smell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize