How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Help. Why am I so naked?
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