I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
not ubering you a puppy
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