i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
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Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
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A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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