She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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