i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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