it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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