This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
honey bunches of taint.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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