We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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