I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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