so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
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Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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