I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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