just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
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When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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