I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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