You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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