Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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