That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
its liver damage thursday
Randomize