We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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