I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
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We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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