He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize