OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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