My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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