Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
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I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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