I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
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He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
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I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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