so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize