I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize