oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Your penis caused this!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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