Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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