what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize