So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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