I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
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A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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