So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize