Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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