these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
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Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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