32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
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When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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