Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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