im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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