I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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