ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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